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Thursday, 10 December, 2009

Ash tray for smokers hoping to quit


This pic is worth a thousand words!


Pl pass it on to all smokers - with the hope that they quit!
Mr. N

Saturday, 5 December, 2009

Dubai Crisis - A Pictorial Representation

Dubai Crisis - A Pictorial Representation

This one that I got from a friend is timely and cute!

Enjoy: Dubai Crisis - A pictorial representation

Regards,

N


Friday, 4 December, 2009

Online Chat - Dangers of the same!

Online Chat - Dangers of the same!

Got this one from a friend - Hopefully not based on a personal experience!

-------------------------------------------

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

-----------------------------------------------

Guess that I don't need to add any comments!

Regards,

N


Gin, The Dancing Dog

Gin, The Dancing Dog

Got this one from a friend.

Passing it on, without comments.

Do take a look at the wonderful performance of Gin, the Dancing Dog!

Regards,

N


Wednesday, 11 November, 2009

Blood Donor Available in Emergencies

Blood Donor Available in Emergencies

Recently I received and email talking about how one can get a blood donor simply by sending an SMS. This one made me smile with a deep sense of satisfaction. Good souls do exist, and they also get more organised all the time and add immense value to the society around us.

The crux of the matter: If you need blood in an emergency (Of Blood Group B+, for instance), just send an SMS "BLOOD B+" to 9600097000 - And a blood donor will get in touch with you!

Oh! I certainly hope that this is no hoax. If this is indeed true, the concept should be extended across the length and breadth of India. If false, perthaps some NGO should pick up this idea and execute the same!

Regards,

N


Monday, 9 November, 2009

Going on a holiday

Going on a holiday

Dear Friends,

Am going off on a longish holiday for 3-4 weeks. I'm unlikely to be blogging during this period.

Once I'm back, I'm sure that I'll be even more energized than ever, and will come up with many more useful and interesting posts.

Do check out from time to time, but certainly come back to this blog in the first week of December, 2009.

Bye for now!

Regards,

N


Friday, 6 November, 2009

Is a Remote Control male or female?

Is a Remote Control male or female?

Source: A forward that I got from an old classmate. Original source - Certainly unknown, but worth sharing to have a hearty laugh!

To know the right answers to such profound questions, do read on! 

Regards,

N

Ever wondered the gender of a photocopier? Wonder no more, the answers to all your gender questions are here, You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are either male or female.

Below are some examples:

FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm them up again. They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong ones.

TYRES: Tyres are male, because they go bald easily and are often over-inflated.

HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under them.

SPONGES: These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGES: Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.

TRAINS: Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.

EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female, because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMERS: Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.

THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female. You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying.

 

Regards,

N


Thursday, 5 November, 2009

English - a potentially irritating language for kids

English - a potentially irritating language for kids

Back at school, I always used to wonder about the mysterious paradox of the English Language.

Why should "put" be "put", but "cut" doesn't rhyme with it. On the other hand, why does "Pot" rhyme with "Cot"?

And literally thousands of such questions.

In those days, I thought that the entire purpose was to enable the English teacher to derive some sadistic pleasure at the expense of us "poor, little kids"!

This wonderful forward that I got from an anonymous source tells me that nothing much has changed over the years.

Do read and enjoy!

Regards,

N

ONLY THE BRITISHERS COULD HAVE INVENTED THIS LANGUAGE

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Then shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England ..
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,
we find that quicksand can work slowly,
boxing rings are square,
and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends
and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
in which your house can burn up as it burns
down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out,
and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

And, in closing, if Father is Pop,  how come Mother's not Mop?

I WOULD LIKE TO ADD THAT IF PEOPLE FROM POLAND ARE CALLED POLES THEN

PEOPLE FROM HOLLAND SHOULD BE HOLES AND THE GERMANS GERMS!!!

 

Regards,

N


Tuesday, 27 October, 2009

Unsubstantiated & Unverified

Unsubstantiated & Unverified
story that was forwarded to me!

I've not seen this in any newspaper or TV channel. That's the first tell-tale sign that this must be a joke.

There's a second and more telling tell-tale sign built into the story to reveal that it is only a joke.

Regards,

N

This is an unsubstantiated and unverified story that was forwarded to me. What do fair and firm folks say about this?

Unable to attract even a single girl, frustrated man sues Axe

New Delhi. In what could prove to be a major marketing and legal embarrassment for Hindustan Unilever Limited (HUL), a 26-year-old man has filed a case against the FMCG company, which owns the Axe brand of men grooming products, for 'cheating' and causing him 'mental suffering'. The plaintiff has cited his failure to attract any girl at all even though he's been using Axe products for over seven years now. Axe advertisements suggest that the products help men in instantly attracting women.
Vaibhav B, the petitioner, also surrendered all his used, unused and half-used deodorant sprays, perfume sticks and roll-ons, anti-perspirants, aftershaves, body washes, shampoos, and hair gels to the court, and demanded a laboratory test of the products and narcotics test of the brand managers of Axe. Vaibhav was pushed to take this step when his bai (maid) beat him with a broom when he tried to impress her by trying to make a pass at her after applying all the Axe products.

No girl ever asked Vaibhav to call her
"Where the hell is the Axe effect? I've been waiting for it for over seven years. Right from my college to now in my office, no girl ever agreed to even go out for a tea or coffee with me, even though I'm sure they could smell my perfumes, deodorants and aftershaves. I always applied them in abundance to make sure the girls get turned on as they show in the television. Finally I thought I'd try to impress my lonely bai who had an ugly fight with her husband and was living alone for over a year. Axe effect my foot!" Vaibhav expressed his unhappiness.
Vaibhav claims that he had been using all the Axe products as per the company's instructions even since he first bought them. He argued that if he couldn't experience the Axe effect despite using the products as directed, either the company was making false claims or selling fake products.
"I had always stored them in cool and dry place, and kept them away from direct light or heat. I'd always use a ruler before applying the spray and make sure that the distance between the nozzle and my armpit was at least 15 centimeters. I'd do everything they told. I even beat up my 5-year-old nephew for coming near my closet, as they had instructed it to keep away from children's reach. And yet, all I get is a broom beating from my ugly bai." Vaibhav expressed his frustration.
Vaibhav claims that he had to do go a lot of mental suffering and public humiliation due to the lack of Axe effect and wants HUL to compensate him for this agony. An advocate in Karkardooma court, who happened to mistake Vaibhav for some deodorant vendor when he entered the court premises with all the bottles, has now offered to take up his case in the court. HUL has been served a legal notice in this regard.
HUL has officially declined to comment on the case citing the subject to be sub judice, but our sources inform that the company was worried over the possible outcomes of the case. The company might argue that Vaibhav was hopelessly unattractive and unintelligent and didn't possess the bare minimum requirements for the Axe effect to take place. Officially HUL has not issued any statement, but legal experts believe that HUL could have tough time convincing the court.
"HUL might be tempted to take that line of argument, but it is very risky. There is no data to substantiate the supposition that unattractive and unintelligent men don't attract women. In fact some of the best looking women have been known to marry and date absolutely ghoulish guys. I'd suggest that the company settles this issue out of court." noted lawyer Ram Jhoothmalani said.

Regards,

N


Saturday, 10 October, 2009

Reactions to Obama's Nobel Prize

Reactions to Obama's Nobel Prize

News item: US President Obama has been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for "His International Diplomacy, specifically for his call for complete nuclear disarmament".

On hearing this, I did a quick survey of people from different walks of life (all imaginary, of course - no offence meant to anyone - dead, alive or otherwise), and got a whole range of responses:

  • Mayawati - "I've called for all the people in the country to vote for me and my party in all forthcoming elections. Therefore, I should be made the permanent Prime Minister of India"

  • Sreesanth - "I've decided to bowl real fast and pick up lots of wickets. Hence, umpires must give some batsman out once every three overs that I bowl."

  • Quick Gun Murugan - "I've made a call for the whole world to become vegetarian. Hence all meat processing units should stop functioning with immediate effect"

  • Kapil Sibal - "I hereby declare that my proposed modifications to system of education prevailing in the country will result in the best universities in the world. Hence the Nobel committee must award atleast 2 Nobel prizes to academicians in Indian Universities every 5 years."

  • Banta Singh - "I've decided to learn everything about the stock markets and become an expert - Hence all shares that I buy should immediately start going up after I buy them. All public sector mutual funds should allocate at least 20% of their Assets Under Management to buy shares that I hold in my portfolio."

  • Ramalinga Raju - "I've declared that Maytas Properties has lent lots of money to Satyam. Therefore, Satyam should pay all that money to Maytas Properties"

  • P Chidambaram - "I call upon all Pakistanis to stop infilterating into Kashmir. I demand that all Maoists lay down arms and become a part of the mainstream society. Hence, there should be no further infilteration into Kashmir and there should be no problems of any kind from Maoists."

  • Actor Abishek Bachchan - "I've determined that my grandson to be born over the next couple of decades will act in a superlative manner and ensure that he will act in at least 40 'superhit' films a year for the first 30 years of his life. Hence he should be be given the "Dadasaheb Phalke Award" for life-time achievement in the film industry - in advance. After all, if people can be given Bharat Ratna posthumously, why can't people be given awards in advance?"

  • Pranab Mukherjee - "I request all OPEC members to increase Oil production and reduce prices. Hence Oil prices should immediately come down to $ 25 per barrel and remain below that level"

  • Ms. Kanimozhi - "I request gold prices to come down as I want all citizens of TN to buy jewllery at a low cost under the governance of Kalignar Karunanidhi. Hence gold prices should immediately come down and remain muted - at least till Jayalalitha comes back to power"

 

Regards,

N


Sunday, 4 October, 2009

Hope - The eternal elixir of Life

Hope - The eternal elixir of Life

Ever suffered from a bout of envy, nee, jealousy at that "20-something" genius whose brilliance overshadows all those strenuous efforts from you? Ever wondered why that school-drop-out classmate of yours has managed to create an entire business empire focussing on selling pet food while you're still struggling in your late 30's, 40's, 50's?

Don't worry - you still have hope - Perhaps, you're one of those "late-blooming" geniuses. Recent research by David Galenson on Creativity just goes on to show precisely that.

Enjoy the link:

And if someone is comparing you to that "smart-Alec" kid, just quote Galenson and the link above and let the world know that they just have to wait a few more years to know your true worth!

Regards,

N


Tuesday, 29 September, 2009

And they claim that "Man is the most intelligent of all living beings"!!!

And they claim that "Man is the most intelligent of all living beings"!!!

With such folks inhabiting the planet, you must be among the top 1% of the smartest and most intelligent persons in the world!!!

Regards,

N

Source: Mr. Mohan Raman, a famous Tamil Film & TV artist (Got it from him through email - wonder whether it is posted on his blog as well - http://mohanramanmuses.blogspot.com/)

 

Good ones

**

NEW YORK - Idaho resident Kathy Evans brought humiliation to her friends
and family Tuesday when she set a new standard for stupidity with her
appearance on the popular TV show, 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.'

It seems that Evans, a 32-year-old wife and mother of two, got stuck on the
first question, and proceeded to make what fans of the show are dubbing
'the absolute worst use of lifelines ever.'
After being introduced to the show's host Meredith Vieira, Evans assured
her that she was ready to play, whereupon she was posed with an extremely
easy $100 question. The question was: 'Which of the following is the
largest?'

A) A Peanut
B) An Elephant
C) The Moon
D) Hey, who you calling large?

Immediately Mrs. Evans was struck with an all consuming panic as she
realized that this was a question to which she did not readily know the
answer.
'Hmm, oh boy, that's a toughie,' said Evans, as Vieira did her level best to
hide her disbelief and disgust. 'I mean, I'm sure I've heard of some of
these things before, but I have no idea how large they would be.'
Evans made the decision to use the first of her three lifelines, the 50/50.
Answers A and D were removed, leaving her to decide which was bigger, an
elephant or the moon. However, faced with an incredibly easy question, Evans
still remained unsure.
'Oh! It removed the two I was leaning towards!' exclaimed Evans.. 'Darn. I
think I better phone a friend.'
Using the second of her two lifelines on the first question, Mrs. Evans
asked to be connected with her friend Betsy, who is an office assistant.
'Hi Betsy! How are you? This is Kathy! I'm on TV!' said Evans, wasting the
first seven seconds of her call. 'Ok, I got an important question. Which of
the following is the largest? B, an elephant, or C, the moon. 15 seconds
hun.'
Betsy quickly replied that the answer was C, the moon. Evans proceeded to
argue with her friend for the remaining ten seconds.
'Come on Betsy, are you sure?' said Evans. 'How sure are you? Duh, that
can't be it.'
To everyone's astonishment, the moronic Evans declined to take her friend's
advice and pick 'The Moon.'
'I just don't know if I can trust Betsy. She's not all that bright. So I
think I'd like to ask the audience,' said Evans.
Asked to vote on the correct answer, the audience returned 98% in favor of
answer C, 'The Moon.' Having used up all her lifelines, Evans then made the
dumbest choice of her life.
'Wow, seems like everybody is against what I'm thinking,' said the
too-stupid-to-live Evans. 'But you know, sometimes you just got to go with
your gut. So, let's see. For which is larger, an elephant or the moon, I'm
going to have to go with B, an elephant. Final answer.'
Evans sat before the dumbfounded audience, the only one waiting with bated
breath, and was told that she was wrong, and that the answer was in fact,
C, 'The Moon.'
Caution....they walk among us!
----------------------------------------------------------

This one is actually better! (No comments needed!)


Caution... They Walk Among Us!
----------------------------------------------------------
Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he
put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: 'Free to good home.
You want it, you take it.' For three days the fridge sat there without even
one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too
un-trusting of this deal.
It looked too good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for
sale $50.'

The next day someone stole it!

***They walk amongst us!***
----------------------------------------------------------

*One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone
shouted....'Look at that dead bird!' Someone looked up at the sky and
said...'where?'

***They walk among us!!***
----------------------------------------------------------

While looking at a house, my brother asked the estate agent which direction
was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every
morning. She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?' When my brother
explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook
her head and said, 'Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff'

***They Walk Among Us!!***
----------------------------------------------------------

My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard
one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on
her weekend drive to the beach. She drove down in a convertible, but 'didn't
think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving'.

***They Walk Among Us!!!!***
----------------------------------------------------------

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car it's designed to cut through a
seat belt if she gets trapped She keeps it in the trunk.

***They Walk Among Us!!!!!***
----------------------------------------------------------

I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring
attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, 'Wouldn't the chain rip
out every time she turned her head?' I had to explain that a person's nose
and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is
turned...

***They Walk Among Us!!!!!!! ***
----------------------------------------------------------

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the
lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up.
She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional
and I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me, 'Has your plane arrived
yet?'...
(I work with professionals like this.)

***They Walk Among Us!!!!!!!!***
----------------------------------------------------------

While working at a pizza parlour I observed a man ordering a small pizza to
go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut
into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding.
'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6
pieces.

***Yep, They Walk Among Us, too.!!!!!!!!


Friday, 25 September, 2009

Landing on the Moon

Landing on the Moon

Considering all the buzz around "Water on the moon", I was reminded about an old email that I'd received. Worth sharing with you folks at this juncture ... ... ...

Wonder who sent this one to me ... Hope that I'm not marking a copy to the original sender!!!

Regards,

N

TRUE STORY


On July 20, 1969, as Commander of the Apollo 11 lunar module, Neil Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon. His first words after stepping on the moon, "one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind," were televised to earth and heard by millions.

But just before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky."

Many people at NASA though it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.

Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the "good luck, Mr. Gorsky" statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled. On July 5, 1995, in Tampa Bay, Florida, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26-year-old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded..

Mr. Gorsky had died, so Neil Armstrong felt he could now answer the question.

In 1938, when he was a kid in a small mid-west town, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit the ball, which landed in his neighbor's yard by their bedroom window.

His neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky:

"Sex! you want sex?! you'll get sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"


Thursday, 24 September, 2009

On Nandan Nilakeni's Unique ID Card

On Nandan Nilakeni's Unique ID Card Project

An imaginary Scenario!!!

This is a great one. Almost big-brother-like!

Enjoy !!

Regards,

N

 Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your..."

Customer: "Heloo, can I order.."

Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose ID card number first, Sir?"

Customer: "It's he..., hold..........on......889861356102049998-45-54610"

Operator : "OK... You're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jal Vayu. Your home number is 22678893, your office 25076666 and your mobile is 09869798888. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"

Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?

Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"

Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."

Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"

Customer: "How come?"

Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"

Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"

Operator : "Try our Low Fat Pizza. You'll like it"

Customer: "How do you know for sure?"

Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir"

Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?"

Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 05, Sir. The total is Rs 500.00"

Customer: "Can I pay by! Credit card?"

Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank Rs 23,000.75 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir.."

Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives"

Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today"

Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"

Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your Nano Car..."

Customer: " What!"

Operator : "According to the details in system ,you own a Nano car,...registration number GZ-05-AB-1107.."

Customer: " ????"

Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"

Customer: "Nothing... By the way... Aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"

Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic....... "

Customer: #$$^%&$@$% ^

Operator : "Better watch your language Sir.. Remember on 15th July 2010 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman...?"

Customer: [Faints]


Wednesday, 26 August, 2009

An atheist tries to win over God!

An atheist tries to win over God!

Enjoy this one!

An atheist was walking through the woods one day in Alaska, admiring all that evolution had created. "What majestic trees! What a powerful river! What beautiful animals!' he said to himself. As he was walking along the side of the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. Turning to look, he saw a 13 foot Kodiak brown bear beginning to charge towards hims. He ran as fast as he could down the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was rapidly closing on him. 'Somehow, he ran even faster, so scared that tears came to his eyes. He looked again and the bear was even closer. His heart pounding in him chest, he tried to run faster yet. But alas, he tripped and fell to the ground. As he rolled over to pick himself up, the bear was right over hm, reaching for him with it's left paw and raising it's right paw to strike him...he yelled out, "OH MY GOD!"
Time stopped....
The bear froze....
The forest was silent....
Even the river stopped moving.

As a brilliant light shone upon the man, a thunderous voice came from all around, God spoke:

"YOU DENY MY EXISTENCE FOR ALL THESE YEARS, TEACH OTHERS THAT I DON'T EXIST AND EVEN CREDIT CREATION TO SOME COSMIC ACCIDENT. DO YOU EXPECT ME TO HELP YOU OUT OF THIS PREDICAMENT? AM I TO COUNT YOU NOW AS A BELIEVER?"

Difficult as it was, the atheist looked directly into the light and said, "It would be hypocritical to ask to be a Christian after all these years, but perhaps you could make the bear a Christian?"

"VERY WELL" said God.

The light went out.....
The river ran....
The sounds of the forest resumed....

And the bear dropped down on his knees, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke:

"Lord, thank you for this food which I am about to receive, Amen!"

Regards,

N


Wednesday, 19 August, 2009

US Embassy Circular - Cool one

US Embassy Circular - Cool one

Don't know how far this one is true. It is certainly a nice read, nevertheless!

US Embassy in India has issued a circular for Indians. It states:

"Since the break-out of Swine Flu, we have been flooded by requests from
Indians. We request you NOT to apply for H1N1, and want to clarify that it
is not a visa!"

Regards,

N


Tuesday, 18 August, 2009

Pair of Old Shoes and .....

Pair of Old Shoes and .....

A young man, a student in one of the universities, was one day taking a walk with a professor, who was commonly called the students' friend for his kindness to those who waited on his instructions.

As they went along, they saw lying in the path a pair of old shoes, which were supposed to belong to a poor man who was working in a field close by, and who had nearly finished his day's work . . .

Student turned to the professor, saying: "Let us play the man a trick:

We will hide his shoes, and hide ourselves behind those bushes, and wait to see his perplexity when he cannot find them ..."

"My young friend," answered the professor, "We should never amuse ourselves at the expense of the poor . . . But you are rich, and may give yourself a much greater pleasure by means of this poor man.

Put a coin in each shoe, and then we will hide ourselves and watch how this affects him." Visit: The student did so and they both placed themselves behind the bushes close by. The poor man soon finished his work, and came across the field to the path where he had left his coat and shoes . . .


While putting on his coat he slipped his foot into one of his shoes, but feeling something hard, he stooped down to feel what it was, and found the coin. Astonishment and wonder were seen upon his countenance.


He gazed upon the coin, turned it around and looked at it again and again.


He then looked around him on all sides, but no person was to be seen. He now put the money into his pocket, and proceeded to put on the other shoe; but his surprise was doubled on finding the other coin . . .


His feelings overcame him . . . He fell upon his knees, looked up to heaven and uttered aloud a fervent thanksgiving in which he spoke of his wife, sick and helpless, and his children without bread, whom this timely bounty, from some unknown hand, would save from perishing . . .


The student stood there deeply affected, and his eyes filled with tears.

"Now," said the professor, are you not much better pleased than if you had played your intended trick?"

The youth replied, "You have taught me a lesson which I will never forget. .. I feel now the truth of these words, which I never understood before: "It's more blessed to give than to receive."

Regards,

N

ps: Source unknown


Friday, 14 August, 2009

Don't Copy if you can't Paste!

Don't Copy if you can't Paste!

Don't just enjoy the joke - Read the moral of the story too!

A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience. He Said: "The

best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!"

The audience was in silence and shock. The speaker added: "And that woman

was my mother!"

 

Laughter and Applause

 

A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to

crack this very effective joke at home. He was a bit foggy after a drink. He

said loudly to his wife who was preparing dinner, "The greatest years of my

life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"

 

The wife went; "ahhhh!" with shock and rage.

 

Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke,

 

the manager finally blurted out "...and I can't remember who she was!"

 

By the time the manager regained his consciousness, he was on a hospital bed

nursing first degree burns from boiling cooking oil.

 

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Moral of the story: Don't copy if you can't paste!!!!!!!

Regards,

N


Positive Outlook

Positive Outlook

Worth Reading.

Regards,

N

Must Read

Pls. try to get the Answer......

Pls. read this: It is a 99.99% challenge that u will have a wrong answer to
the question
asked in the passage.

Once there was a loving couple traveling in a bus in a mountainous area.

They decided to get down at some place. After the couple got down at some
place the bus moved on.

As the bus moved on, a huge rock fell on the bus from the mountain and
crushed the bus to crumbs.

Everybody on board was killed.

The couple upon seeing that, said, "We wish we were on that bus"

Why do u think they said that?
Now, think of your answer...... .and then......

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....-------- --------- -- Answer !!!! ------------ -------

If they had remained on the bus instead of deciding to get down, the

resulting time delay could have been avoided and the rock would have fallen

after the bus had passed ..!!!

Moral:

Think positive in life always and look for opportunities when u can help
others......

Many times in life, the opposite of Success is not Failure, its Quitting.

Winners never Quit, Quitters never Win.....

 

 


Tuesday, 2 June, 2009

Expat's view of living in India

Expat's view of living in India

This hilarious article was written by a Dutchman who spent two years in Bangalore, India, as a visiting expert. A little long article but worth reading it!!!

For the benefit of every Tom, Dick and Harry visiting India and daring to drive on Indian roads, I am offering a few hints for survival. They are applicable to every place in India except Bihar, where life outside a vehicle is only marginally safer.

Indian road rules broadly operate within the domain of karma where you do your best, and leave the results to your insurance company. The hints are as follows: Do we drive on the left or right of the road?

The answer is "both". Basically you start on the left of the road, unless it is occupied. In that case, go to the right, unless that is also occupied. Then proceed by occupying the next available gap, as in chess. Just trust your instincts, ascertain the direction, and proceed. Adherence to road rules leads to much misery and occasional fatality. Most drivers don't drive, but just aim their vehicles in the generally intended direction.

Don't you get discouraged or underestimate yourself except for a belief in reincarnation; the other drivers are not in any better position. Don't stop at pedestrian crossings just because some fool wants to cross the road. You may do so only if you enjoy being bumped in the back.

Pedestrians have been strictly instructed to cross only when traffic is moving slowly or has come to a dead stop because some minister is in town.Still some idiot may try to wade across, but then, let us not talk ill of the dead.

Blowing your horn is not a sign of protest as in some countries. We horn to express joy, resentment, frustration, romance and bare lust (two brisk blasts),or just mobilize a dozing cow in the middle of the bazaar. Keep informative books in the glove compartment. You may read them during traffic jams, while awaiting the chief minister's motorcade, or waiting for the rainwater to recede when over ground traffic meets underground drainage.

Occasionally you might see what looks like a UFO with blinking colored lights and weird sounds emanating from within. This is an illuminated bus, full of happy pilgrims singing bhajans. These pilgrims go at breakneck speed, seeking contact with the Almighty, often meeting with success.

Auto Rickshaw (Baby Taxi): The result of a collision between a rickshaw and an automobile, this three-wheeled vehicle works on an external combustion engine that runs on a mixture of kerosene oil and creosote. This triangular vehicle carries iron rods, gas cylinders or passengers three times its weight and dimension, at an unspecified fare. After careful geometric calculations, children are folded and packed into these auto rickshaws until some children in the periphery are not in contact with the vehicle at all. Then their school bags are pushed into the microscopic gaps all round so those minor collisions with other vehicles on the road cause no permanent damage. Of course, the peripheral children are charged half the fare and also learn Newton's laws of motion en route to school. Auto-rickshaw drivers follow the road rules depicted in the film Ben Hur, and are licensed to irritate.

Mopeds: The moped looks like an oil tin on wheels and makes noise like an electric shaver. It runs 30 miles on a teaspoon of petrol and travels at break-bottom speed. As the sides of the road are too rough for a ride, the moped drivers tend to drive in the middle of the road; they would rather drive under heavier vehicles instead of around them and are often "mopped" off the tarmac.

Leaning Tower of Passes: Most bus passengers are given free passes andduring rush hours, there is absolute mayhem. There are passengers hanging off other passengers, who in turn hang off the railings and the overloaded bus leans dangerously, defying laws of gravity but obeying laws of surface tension. As drivers get paid for overload (so many Rupees per kg of passenger), no questions are ever asked. Steer clear of these buses by a width of three passengers.

One-way Street: These boards are put up by traffic people to add jest in their otherwise drab lives. Don't stick to the literal meaning and proceed in one direction. In metaphysical terms, it means that you cannot proceed in two directions at once. So drive as you like, in reverse throughout, if you are the fussy type. Least I sound hypercritical, I must add a positive point also. Rash and fast driving in residential areas has been prevented by providing a "speed breaker"; two for each house. This mound, incidentally, covers the water and
drainage pipes for that residence and is left untarred for easy identification by the corporation authorities, should they want to recover the pipe for year-end accounting.

Night driving on Indian roads can be an exhilarating experience for those with the mental make up of Genghis Khan. In a way, it is like playing Russian roulette, because you do not know who amongst the drivers is loaded. What looks like premature dawn on the horizon turns out to be a truck attempting a speed record. On encountering it, just pull partly into the field adjoining the road until the phenomenon passes.

Our roads do not have shoulders, but occasional boulders. Do not blink your lights expecting reciprocation. The only dim thing in the truck is the driver, and with the peg of illicit arrack (alcohol) he has had at the last stop, his total cerebral functions add up to little more than a naught. Truck drivers are the James Bonds of India, and are licensed to kill. Often you may encounter a single powerful beam of light about six feet above the ground. This is not a super motorbike, but a truck approaching you with a single light on, usually the left one. It could be the right one, but never get too close to investigate. You may prove your point posthumously.

Regards,

N


Monday, 11 May, 2009

Car with a Vanilla Allergy!

Car with a Vanilla Allergy!

Amidst all the hype about the Nano, have you wondered about a plain-vanilla car? Or, to be more precise, about a car with an allergy for Vanilla Ice Cream?

Take a look:

Regards,

N


Sunday, 22 March, 2009

Landing on the Moon

Landing on the Moon

Landing on the moon - Indians were there far before the Americans - Take a look at this wonderful link:

Regards,

N


Friday, 13 March, 2009

Ant & the Grasshopper

Ant & the Grasshopper

This one is not new, but has a good lesson!

MODERN VERSION

 

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

 

NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper  next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

 

Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house.


Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other grasshoppers demanding that grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter.

 

Amnesty  International and Koffi Annan criticize the Indian Government for not  upholding the fundamental rights of the grasshopper. The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance).

 

Opposition MP's stage a walkout

 

Left parties call for "Bharat Bandh" in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a  Judicial Enquiry.CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among ants and grasshoppers.

 

Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath'.

 

Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act [POTAGA]", with effect from the beginning of the winter.

 

Arjun Singh makes Special Reservation for Grass Hopper in educational Insititutions & in Govt Services.

 

The ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV.

 

Arundhati Roy calls it "a triumph of justice". Lalu calls it 'Socialistic  Justice'.

 

CPM calls it the 'revolutionary resurgence of the downtrodden'.

 

Koffi Annan invites the grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.

 

Many years later...The ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi billion dollar company in silicon valley.100s of grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in India ...

 

As a result of losing lot of hard working ants and feeding the grasshoppers India is still a developing country..... .

Regards,

N


Thursday, 5 March, 2009

Scientific Experimentation

Scientific Experimentation

The National Institute of Health has announced that they will no longer be using rats for medical experimentation. In their place, they will use attorneys. They have given three reasons for this decision:

  1. There are now more attorneys than there are rats.
  2. The medical researchers don t become as emotionally attached to the attorneys as they did to the rats.
  3. No matter how hard you try, there are some things that rats won`t do.

Regards,

N


Wednesday, 4 March, 2009

Going to Heaven!

Going to Heaven!

One day, a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer all die and go to Heaven.

St. Peter is there and was having a bad day since heaven was getting crowded. When they get to the gate, St. Peter informed them that there will be a test to get into Heaven: They each will have to answer a single question.

To the teacher, he says, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the Iceberg and sunk with all its passengers?"

The teacher thinks for a second, and then replies: "That would have been the Titanic, right?". St. Peter lets him through the gate.

Next, St. Peter turns to the Garbage man, and figuring that Heaven doesn't REALLY need all the stink that this guy would bring into heaven, decides to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?"

The garbage man guesses: "1467", to which St. Peter says "That happens to be right. Go ahead."

St. Peter then turns to the Lawyer:

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 "Name them, and also tell me their permanent postal addresses along with their pin codes"

Regards,

N


Monday, 2 March, 2009

Simple Problem, Simple Solution

Simple Problem, Simple Solution

If

  • 1=5
  • 2=25
  • 3=125
  • 4=625
  • 5=?

Think before scrolling down ... ... ...

 

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Answer is 1

Because the First Line says ... ... ... ...

  • 1=5

Don't Complicate Simple Promblems - Whether it is Maths or Life!

Regards,

N


Thursday, 26 February, 2009

Why do we SHOUT in ANGER @#$%^&*

 

Why do we SHOUT in ANGER @#$%^&*

A saint asked his disciples, 'Why do we shout in anger? Why do people shout at each other when they are upset?

Disciples thought for a while, one of them said, 'Because we lose our calm, we shout for that.'

'But, why to shout when the other person is just next to you?' asked the saint. 'Isn't it possible to speak to him or her with a soft voice? Why do you shout at a person when you're angry?'

Disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the saint.

Finally he explained, 'When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other through that great distance.' 

Then the saint asked, 'What happens when two people fall in love? They don't shout at each other but talk softly, why? Because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is very small...' 

The saint continued, 'When they love each other even more, what happens? 

They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other and that's all. That is how close two people are when they love each other.' 

Conclusion:

When you argue do not let your hearts get distant, do not say words that distance each other more, else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return.

Regards,

N


Wednesday, 11 February, 2009

O B A M A

O B A M A

There we go again, people are so busy in these times of recession, but I do not know who sat down to think about this……!!!!!

  • Originally
  • Born in
  • Africa to
  • Manage the
  • Americans

Regards,

N


Wednesday, 4 February, 2009

Times of Panic - Reason to smile!

Times of Panic - Reason to smile!

This link is hilarious, despite being entirely official & serious:

Regards,

N


Friday, 30 January, 2009

Satyam, in a lighter vein

Satyam, in a lighter vein

Another hilarious one that I came across:

Regards,

N


Sunday, 25 January, 2009

Advice or Satire???

Advice or Satire???

We've all received tons of advice from financial experts at different points of time. Our bank statements (for those of us who still have a bank account) tell us the truth about how valuable the advice was.

Considering all this, one more round of advice on financial matters (though from a guy without a financial background) can't do much more to impoverish you.

If nothing else, at least you can have a hearty laugh!

Listen to Suhel Seth, the ad man:

Regards,

N