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Tuesday 29 September 2009

And they claim that "Man is the most intelligent of all living beings"!!!

And they claim that "Man is the most intelligent of all living beings"!!!

With such folks inhabiting the planet, you must be among the top 1% of the smartest and most intelligent persons in the world!!!

Regards,

N

Source: Mr. Mohan Raman, a famous Tamil Film & TV artist (Got it from him through email - wonder whether it is posted on his blog as well - http://mohanramanmuses.blogspot.com/)

 

Good ones

**

NEW YORK - Idaho resident Kathy Evans brought humiliation to her friends
and family Tuesday when she set a new standard for stupidity with her
appearance on the popular TV show, 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.'

It seems that Evans, a 32-year-old wife and mother of two, got stuck on the
first question, and proceeded to make what fans of the show are dubbing
'the absolute worst use of lifelines ever.'
After being introduced to the show's host Meredith Vieira, Evans assured
her that she was ready to play, whereupon she was posed with an extremely
easy $100 question. The question was: 'Which of the following is the
largest?'

A) A Peanut
B) An Elephant
C) The Moon
D) Hey, who you calling large?

Immediately Mrs. Evans was struck with an all consuming panic as she
realized that this was a question to which she did not readily know the
answer.
'Hmm, oh boy, that's a toughie,' said Evans, as Vieira did her level best to
hide her disbelief and disgust. 'I mean, I'm sure I've heard of some of
these things before, but I have no idea how large they would be.'
Evans made the decision to use the first of her three lifelines, the 50/50.
Answers A and D were removed, leaving her to decide which was bigger, an
elephant or the moon. However, faced with an incredibly easy question, Evans
still remained unsure.
'Oh! It removed the two I was leaning towards!' exclaimed Evans.. 'Darn. I
think I better phone a friend.'
Using the second of her two lifelines on the first question, Mrs. Evans
asked to be connected with her friend Betsy, who is an office assistant.
'Hi Betsy! How are you? This is Kathy! I'm on TV!' said Evans, wasting the
first seven seconds of her call. 'Ok, I got an important question. Which of
the following is the largest? B, an elephant, or C, the moon. 15 seconds
hun.'
Betsy quickly replied that the answer was C, the moon. Evans proceeded to
argue with her friend for the remaining ten seconds.
'Come on Betsy, are you sure?' said Evans. 'How sure are you? Duh, that
can't be it.'
To everyone's astonishment, the moronic Evans declined to take her friend's
advice and pick 'The Moon.'
'I just don't know if I can trust Betsy. She's not all that bright. So I
think I'd like to ask the audience,' said Evans.
Asked to vote on the correct answer, the audience returned 98% in favor of
answer C, 'The Moon.' Having used up all her lifelines, Evans then made the
dumbest choice of her life.
'Wow, seems like everybody is against what I'm thinking,' said the
too-stupid-to-live Evans. 'But you know, sometimes you just got to go with
your gut. So, let's see. For which is larger, an elephant or the moon, I'm
going to have to go with B, an elephant. Final answer.'
Evans sat before the dumbfounded audience, the only one waiting with bated
breath, and was told that she was wrong, and that the answer was in fact,
C, 'The Moon.'
Caution....they walk among us!
----------------------------------------------------------

This one is actually better! (No comments needed!)


Caution... They Walk Among Us!
----------------------------------------------------------
Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he
put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: 'Free to good home.
You want it, you take it.' For three days the fridge sat there without even
one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too
un-trusting of this deal.
It looked too good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for
sale $50.'

The next day someone stole it!

***They walk amongst us!***
----------------------------------------------------------

*One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone
shouted....'Look at that dead bird!' Someone looked up at the sky and
said...'where?'

***They walk among us!!***
----------------------------------------------------------

While looking at a house, my brother asked the estate agent which direction
was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every
morning. She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?' When my brother
explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook
her head and said, 'Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff'

***They Walk Among Us!!***
----------------------------------------------------------

My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard
one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on
her weekend drive to the beach. She drove down in a convertible, but 'didn't
think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving'.

***They Walk Among Us!!!!***
----------------------------------------------------------

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car it's designed to cut through a
seat belt if she gets trapped She keeps it in the trunk.

***They Walk Among Us!!!!!***
----------------------------------------------------------

I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring
attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, 'Wouldn't the chain rip
out every time she turned her head?' I had to explain that a person's nose
and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is
turned...

***They Walk Among Us!!!!!!! ***
----------------------------------------------------------

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the
lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up.
She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional
and I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me, 'Has your plane arrived
yet?'...
(I work with professionals like this.)

***They Walk Among Us!!!!!!!!***
----------------------------------------------------------

While working at a pizza parlour I observed a man ordering a small pizza to
go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut
into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding.
'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6
pieces.

***Yep, They Walk Among Us, too.!!!!!!!!


Friday 25 September 2009

Landing on the Moon

Landing on the Moon

Considering all the buzz around "Water on the moon", I was reminded about an old email that I'd received. Worth sharing with you folks at this juncture ... ... ...

Wonder who sent this one to me ... Hope that I'm not marking a copy to the original sender!!!

Regards,

N

TRUE STORY


On July 20, 1969, as Commander of the Apollo 11 lunar module, Neil Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon. His first words after stepping on the moon, "one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind," were televised to earth and heard by millions.

But just before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky."

Many people at NASA though it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.

Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the "good luck, Mr. Gorsky" statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled. On July 5, 1995, in Tampa Bay, Florida, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26-year-old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded..

Mr. Gorsky had died, so Neil Armstrong felt he could now answer the question.

In 1938, when he was a kid in a small mid-west town, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit the ball, which landed in his neighbor's yard by their bedroom window.

His neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky:

"Sex! you want sex?! you'll get sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"


Thursday 24 September 2009

On Nandan Nilakeni's Unique ID Card

On Nandan Nilakeni's Unique ID Card Project

An imaginary Scenario!!!

This is a great one. Almost big-brother-like!

Enjoy !!

Regards,

N

 Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your..."

Customer: "Heloo, can I order.."

Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose ID card number first, Sir?"

Customer: "It's he..., hold..........on......889861356102049998-45-54610"

Operator : "OK... You're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jal Vayu. Your home number is 22678893, your office 25076666 and your mobile is 09869798888. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"

Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?

Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"

Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."

Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"

Customer: "How come?"

Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"

Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"

Operator : "Try our Low Fat Pizza. You'll like it"

Customer: "How do you know for sure?"

Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir"

Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?"

Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 05, Sir. The total is Rs 500.00"

Customer: "Can I pay by! Credit card?"

Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank Rs 23,000.75 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir.."

Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives"

Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today"

Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"

Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your Nano Car..."

Customer: " What!"

Operator : "According to the details in system ,you own a Nano car,...registration number GZ-05-AB-1107.."

Customer: " ????"

Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"

Customer: "Nothing... By the way... Aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"

Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic....... "

Customer: #$$^%&$@$% ^

Operator : "Better watch your language Sir.. Remember on 15th July 2010 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman...?"

Customer: [Faints]