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Tuesday, 28 December, 2010

Interesting Quote to make you smile

Interesting Quote to make you smile

  • No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

Regards,

N


Monday, 27 December, 2010

Why is Julian Assange in trouble?

Why is Julian Assange in trouble?

Why is Julian Assange of Wikileaks fame in trouble?

"Because he refused to Cover Up"!

(Editorial comment: Under age readers - Please proceed to the next post or some other blog. Others - Please quickly brush up your "in-depth" knowledge about the "personal affairs" of Julian Assange by doing a quick Google search!)

Regards,

N


Thursday, 23 December, 2010

Journalism, circa 2011

Journalism, circa 2011

This one, according to many of you, ought to be posted in my other blog (Multiple Shades of Grey):

However, it is soooooooooooooooo hilarious, that it deserved to be posted on this humour blog.

Regards,

N


Monday, 20 December, 2010

Just for Football fans!

Just for Football fans!

So, you thought that you know how to kick a ball? Take a look at this one and decide for yourself:

Regards,

N


Saturday, 18 December, 2010

Meet the Chapati Expert

Meet the Chapati Expert

Those of you who think that you know how to make chapatis quickly, you must take a look at this video definitely:

Amazing, indeed.

Regards,

N


Wednesday, 15 December, 2010

Effect of changing the job

Effect of changing the job!

Here's another old one.

And a golden one as well:

Dear Friends,

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a  question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped few inches from a shop window. 

  For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said: 
"Look mate, don't ever do that again. you scared the daylights out of me"! 

  The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realise that a little tap would scare you so much."

  The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a  mortuary van for the last 25 years."    

Regards,

N


Tuesday, 14 December, 2010

Vatican Humour

Vatican Humour

An old one that I received just now, but a good one.

Here it goes:

VATICAN HUMOR



After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.

' Excuse me, Your Holiness, ' says the driver, ' Would you please take your seat so we can leave? '

' Well, to tell you the truth, ' says the Pope, ' they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today. '

' I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! What if something should happen? ' protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning..

' Who's going to tell? ' says the Pope with a smile.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kph.. (Remember, the Pope is German..)

' Please slow down, Your Holiness! ' pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

' Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my license -- and my job! ' moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio..

' I need to talk to the Chief, ' he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going 155 kph.

' So bust him, ' says the Chief.

' I don't think we want to do that, he's really important, ' said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed, ' All the more reason! '

' No, I mean really important, ' said the cop with a bit of persistence.

The Chief then asked, ' Who do you have there, the mayor? '
Cop: ' Bigger. '

Chief: ' A senator? '
Cop: ' Bigger. '

Chief: ' The Prime Minister? '
Cop: ' Bigger. '

' Well, ' said the Chief, ' who is it? '

Cop: ' I think it's God! '

The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, ' What makes you think it's God? '

Cop: ' His chauffeur is the Pope! '

Regards,

N


Monday, 13 December, 2010

What Happens in Heaven!

What Happens in Heaven!

How true, indeed!

The vast majority think of God / Parents / Old-but-close friends / Old-but-friendly ex-Boss, and all other such human beings only in times of trouble.

Guess that we ought to begin the process of change - and soon!

WHAT HAPPENS IN HEAVEN !

This is one of the nicest e-mails I have seen and is so true:

I dreamt that I went to Heaven and an angel was showing me around. We walked side-by-side inside a large workroom filled with angels. My angel guide stopped in front of the first section and said, ' This is the Receiving Section. Here, all petitions to God said in prayer are received. '

I looked around in this area, and it was terribly busy with so many angels sorting out petitions written on voluminous paper sheets and scraps from people all over the world.

Then we moved on down a long corridor until we reached the second section.

The angel then said to me, "This is the Packaging and Delivery Section. Here, the graces and blessings the people asked for are processed and delivered to the living persons who asked for them." I noticed again how busy it was there. There were many angels working hard at that station, since so many blessings had been requested and were being packaged for delivery to Earth.

Finally at the farthest end of the long corridor we stopped at the door of a very small station. To my great surprise, only one angel was seated there, idly doing nothing. "This is the Acknowledgment Section, my angel friend quietly admitted to me. He seemed embarrassed. " How is it that there is no work going on here? ' I asked.

"So sad," the angel sighed. "After people receive the blessings that they asked for, very few send back acknowledgments"

"How does one acknowledge God's blessings? " I asked..

"Simple," the angel answered. Just say, "Thank you, Lord. "

"What blessings should they acknowledge? " I asked.

"If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep you are richer than 75% of this world. If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish, you are among the top 8% of the world ' s wealthy.. "

"And if you get this on your own computer, you are part of the 1% in the world who has that opportunity. "

"If you woke up this morning with more health than illness .. You are more blessed than the many who will not even survive this day. "

"If you have never experienced the fear in battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation ... You are ahead of 700 million people in the world."

"If you can worship without the fear of harassment, arrest, torture or death you are envied by, and more blessed than, three billion people in the world."

"If you can hold your head up and smile, you are not the norm, you're unique to all those in doubt and despair..... .."

Ok, what now? How can I start?

If you can read this message, you just received a double blessing in that someone was thinking of you as very special and you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world who cannot read at all.

Have a good day, count your blessings, and if you care to, pass this along to remind everyone else how blessed we all are

ATTN: Acknowledge Dept.
"Thank you God, for giving me the ability to share this message and for giving me so many wonderful people with whom to share it. "

If you have read this far, and are thankful for all that you have been blessed with, how can you not send it on???? I thank God for everything, especially all my family and friends!!

--
G.V

 

Regards,

N


Wednesday, 8 December, 2010

Interesting Quote to make you smile

Interesting Quote to make you smile

  • The early bird catches the worm - But the worm got there even earlier!

Regards,

N


Tuesday, 7 December, 2010

TAJ MAHAL As Symbol Of Love

TAJ MAHAL As Symbol Of Love

Wonder how factual this forward that I got is!!!

Entertainment quotient is high enough to end up on my blog.

If someone can throw light on the reliability of these claims, I'd be grateful!!!

We All Know

TAJ MAHAL As Symbol Of Love

But The Other Lesser Known Facts are:
1. Mumtaz Was Shahjahan's 4th Wife Out Of His 7 Wives.
2. Shahjahan Killed Mumtaz's Husband To Marry Her!
3. Mumtaz Died In Her 14th Delivery!
4. He Then Married Mumtaz's Sister!

Question Arises Where The HELL IS LOVE.

Regards,

N


Monday, 6 December, 2010

The art of getting what you want!

The art of getting what you want!

Some of you may consider this as unsuitable for children due to the language involved.

But it generates a smile, and hence this post.

Story with a MORAL!


Once Pappu started praying to Ravan and after 1 year Ravan was very happy from the bhakti of Pappu.

Then Ravan decides to give 3 vardans to Pappu.

RAVAN: Say vatsa! What you want?

PAPPU: I want 100 vardans.

RAVAN: But I can give you only 3 vardans

PAPPU: But I want 100 vardans.

RAVAN: No child that's not possible.

PAPPU: No I want 100 means 100

RAVAN: No I can give you only 3. If you want then take or else I am going.

PAPPU: Ok! But what 3 I will ask, you will give me definitely?

RAVAN: Sure it's promise from Rakshas Raj Ravana.

PAPPU: 1st vardan, convert your GADA on shoulder to wooden bamboo stick.

RAVAN: "Tathastu" and his gada turns into a stick.

PAPPU: 2nd Vardan, put that stick in your aZZZZ hole ... deep inside ...!!

RAVAN: (confused but ......) "Thathastu" and in great pain asks Pappu to ask for the third vardan .... ASAP ...

PAPPU: Now are you giving me rest 97 vardans or should I convert that stick back to GADA ?

The moral of the Story: Management will not yield to your simple request until u can give pain in their Azzzz. J

Regards,

N


Saturday, 4 December, 2010

Preconceived Notions

Preconceived Notions

I've always known that preconceived notions can be

  • Harmful
  • Injurious to our reputation
  • A source for unwarranted stress
  • A cause to make us look stupid
  • A tool to bring us back down to earth by puncturing our bloated ego at a most inopportune time and venue.

Here's one more example from a forward that I got.

Read on:

Never listen with a predetermined notion!!

A teacher teaching Maths to seven-year-old Arnav asked him, If I give you one apple and one apple and one apple, how many apples will you have? Within a few seconds Arnav replied confidently, Four!
 
The dismayed teacher was expecting an effortless correct answer (three).  She was disappointed. Maybe the child did not listen properly, she thought.  She repeated, Arnav, listen carefully.  If I give you one apple and one apple and one apple, how many apples will you have?
 
Arnav had seen the disappointment on his teacher's face.  He calculated again on his fingers.  But within him he was also searching for the answer that will make the teacher happy.  His search for the answer was not for the correct one, but the one that will make his teacher happy.  This time hesitatingly he replied, Four
 
The disappointment stayed on the teacher's face.  She remembered that Arnav liked strawberries.  She thought maybe he does'nt like apples and that is making him loose focus.  This time with an exaggerated excitement and twinkling in her eyes she asked, รข€œIf I give you one strawberry and one strawberry and one strawberry, then how many you will have?
 
Seeing the teacher happy, young Arnav calculated on his fingers again.  There was no pressure on him, but a little on the teacher.  She wanted her new approach to succeed.  With a hesitating smile young Arnav enquired, Three?
 
The teacher now had a victorious smile.  Her approach had succeeded.  She wanted to congratulate herself.  But one last thing remained.  Once again she asked him, Now if I give you one apple and one apple and one more apple how many will you have?
 
Promptly Arnav answered, Four!
 
The teacher was aghast. How Arnav, how?, she demanded in a little stern and irritated voice.
 
In a voice that was low and hesitating young Arnav replied, "Because I already have one apple in my bag".
   
Moral: When someone gives you an answer that is different from what you expect, don't think they are wrong. There maybe an angle that you have not understood at all. You will have to listen and understand, but never listen with a predetermined notion. Most of the times, we do not try to understand the view of the other person and we find them wrong, but in realty it is just the matter of giving other person a chance to explain.

 
Regards,

N


Wednesday, 1 December, 2010

The Israeli Dog Vs the Arab Dog

The Israeli Dog Vs the Arab Dog

Delightful forward that I got from a friend.

Guess that based on your nationality and your personal preferences, you can change the characters involved to make it more appealing to your own internal audiences!

The Israeli Dog Vs the Arab Dog.

The Israelis and Arabs realized that if they continued fighting, they
would someday end up destroying the whole world.

So they decided to settle their dispute with an ancient practice:

A duel of two, like David and Goliath.

This would be a dog fight. The negotiators agreed each side would take 5
years to develop the best fighting dog they could.

The dog that won the fight would earn its people the right to rule the
disputed areas.

The losing side would have to lay down its arms for good.

The Arabs found the biggest, meanest Dobermanns and Rottweilers in the
world.

They bred them together and then crossed their offspring with the
meanest Siberian wolves.

They selected only the biggest, strongest puppy of each litter, fed it
the best food and killed all the other puppies.

They used steroids and trainers in their quest for the perfect killing
machine.

After the 5 years were up, they had a dog that needed iron prison bars
on its cage.

Only expert trainers could handle this incredibly nasty, ferocious
beast.

When the day of the big dog-fight finally arrived, the Israelis showed
up with a very strange animal, a Dachshund that was 10 feet long!!

Everyone at the dog-fight arena felt sorry for the Israelis.

No one there seriously thought this weird, odd-looking animal stood any
chance against the growling beast over in the Arab camp.

The bookies all took one look and predicted the Arab dog would win in
less than a minute.

The cages were opened. The Dachshund slowly waddled toward the center of
the ring.

The Arab dog leaped from his cage and charged at the giant wiener-dog.

As he got to within an inch of the Israeli dog, the Dachshund opened its
jaws and swallowed the Arab beast whole in one bite.

There was nothing left but a small puff of fur from the Arab
killer-dog's tail floating to the ground.

The stunned crowd of international observers, bookies and media
personnel let out a collective gasp of disbelief and surprise.

The Arabs approached the Israelis, muttering and shaking their heads in
disbelief.

"We do not understand," said their leader, "our top scientists and
breeders worked for 5 years with the meanest, biggest

Dobermanns , Rottweilers and Siberian wolves.

They developed an incredible killing machine of a dog.

The Israeli General replied. "Well, for 5 years we have had a team of
Jewish plastic surgeons in Beverly Hills , California ,

working to make an alligator look like a Dachshund."

 

Regards,

N